physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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