I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Dignity is for republicans.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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