I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
