Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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