i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
