I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Did I show you my penis last night?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
