i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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