her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
