her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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