I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
