I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
