i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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