Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
