Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
