how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
