we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
