Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
