Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I think my moral compass just broke
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
