Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
