She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
