when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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