if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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