Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
