You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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