She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
