The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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