Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
