why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
