If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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