Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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