Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
