just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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