My underwear smells like fireworks.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
