i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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