Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
