she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
