I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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