Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
