If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
