So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
