I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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