Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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