what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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