I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
