Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
