she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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