wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
