yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
