OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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