If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
