my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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