I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Also, beer. Big fan.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
