My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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