I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
