But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
