wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's no shave November. This is our time.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
