We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
