drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
