Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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