yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
