Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
