sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
