Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
