Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
