you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize