yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
